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FAQ on Saving a Relationship

If you are interested in saving a relationship that has either fallen apart or you feel may be on the verge of a breakup, the here are a few common questions that people ask and my personal answers.

Q: How do I get started saving a relationship?

A: First you need to admit to yourself that your relationship is important to you. I don’t know your exact situation, but most relationships end up in trouble because one or both people involved took the relationship for granted. Things tend to start falling apart when we neglect to do the small things like saying “I love you” or stop making the time to simply have fun.

Q: How do I work on the problems in my relationship?

A: It can be easy to point the finger of blame on your boyfriend, but that isn’t going to help things. If you’re interested in saving a relationship, then you need to understand that you can only control your own actions. Ask yourself the tough questions. What have you been doing that has hurt your relationship? If you want to improve your relationship then you have to start with yourself. You can’t reasonably expect anyone else to change for you.

Q: What if my boyfriend won’t change?

A: As stated above, you cannot expect another person to change for you. You have to make the choice to love him exactly as he is, or not at all. A lot of people these days believe that everything should be divided equally. Whether it be the chores, who plans dates, money, or whatever. This might work great in business, but it is the kiss of death for relationships. The first thing you want to do in saving a relationship is to commit yourself to being fully loving of your partner even if he doesn’t mow the lawn or take out the garbage.

Q: How can I fix the damage that’s already done?

A: If you’ve taken the time to reflect on how you’ve contributed to the state of your relationship, you now know what you should not do. It is simply a matter of breaking the old patterns and catching yourself before you say something that will start another fight or doing something just to “get back” at him. It may be difficult at first, but you will eventually be able to catch yourself. When you do, ask yourself if it’s really worth another fight or a breakup? If not, then be the bigger person and just let it go.

Q: Is there anything else that I can do?

A: If you are really interested in saving a relationship, tell your man. Be honest with him and apologize for the things you have done or didn’t do that made things so bad. Don’t try to justify your position or attempt to self-righteous. Be open and vulnerable. Let him know that you are making an effort to make things better because he is important to you. He may also apologize to you, but that is not the point. By simply apologizing and telling him that you are committed to improving things, he will know that you are taking things seriously.

It can take time to heal the wounds and learn to do things differently. If both of you are willing to be more honest with each other and are committed to making things work, then saving a relationship will come naturally.

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